Mindfulness of Breathing – Journey 1 Week 3
The fuzziness in my head I felt at the end of last week turned out to be a new cold coming in on top of the old cold. Great! I’ve been dosing up on decongestant before meditating to try to unblock my nose, which has made breathing easier but I’m not sure if the adrenaline in the nose spray has helped me relax!
I don’t know whether it was down to the cold, decongestant or just my normal state of mind, but last weekend when I was focusing on my breath, my mind seemed to be vibrating and juddering like a tractor engine. It now seems to be vibrating less violently – more like an old car engine, so possibly some progress there!
Counting breaths has helped me to focus again, although I prefer not to do it as it feels less natural and not as relaxing as just being aware of breathing. It’s strange though how the breathing and counting sometimes switches into the background, whilst I’m following other thoughts in the foreground. Other times, I get swept away on the thoughts and totally lose awareness of the breath and counting.
Midweek, I had some better sessions. In one, I noticed that my mind seemed to want to go back to focusing on the breath rather than stay with thoughts. There was a strange feeling like a very subtle, gentle magnetic pull between the breath and my attention.
In another session, my breath took on a different quality. It appeared closer but also ‘creamier’ (that was the only word I could initially think of to describe it). ‘Smoother’, ‘richer’, ‘fuller’ came to mind afterwards but ‘creamier’ seemed to sum it up the best.
Now, at the end of the week, my breath feels more distant again during meditation but concentration seems much better. I’ve been able to stay focused for longer before thoughts start to drift in. So I think there has been some progress, which is encouraging. Let’s hope it continues!